The Capacity of Your Tears

How many mornings
Are filled with desperate tears
That never sound
In another's ears because
You feel they are
Hopeless
And only serve to ease
Your pain for the coming day:
So why worry others when
The tears will come again
Regardless?

But how many mornings
Before your pain exceeds
The capacity of your tears?

I'd love to hear what you have to say about the episode including thoughts on the poetry and the topics that were discussed. You can email me at poetdelayed@gmail.com.

My first book of poetry, My Mother Sleeps, is availabe for purchase at

The King's English Bookshop

and

Amazon.com

I see it now
For years I only sensed it
Or saw the dissipating dust tails of its approach
But it filled me with terror
And there was no cover or protection
So I ran
As fast as my child stride could take me
Not even knowing what it was –
Only that it was coming
But that made the fear so much more
In my little mind
So I ran harder
Until I forgot why I was running –
Only knowing that I couldn’t stop

But I see it now
Its shape is fluid and undefined
And its terrible potential fills my mind
I want to keep running – retreating
But it won’t stop and
It’s closing the gap and
It’s more terrible than I ever thought
But its real – I see it now
And I know
There’s no escape, there never was.
But I want to keep running anyway
Until it overtakes me
I won’t see it coming; it will just happen and be done
But my insufficient legs refuse to carry me anymore
So I prostrate myself as an offering

I know you’re coming, I whisper,
And I offer myself willingly

This is not defeat, I reassure myself
Then lower my eyes
And brace for its fury

But my mind keeps moving – defiantly
It knows truths that my body forgot
And reminds me:

You were born with claws
And they’re with you still –

And I remember and feel them
They are deep, but I feel them and they are there
So, I raise my body from the dirt and
My eyes to the distance
It is closer now – the gap disappearing
But not my fear. My fear is growing
(broadcast loudly by my beating heart)
But I no longer want to run
Nor offer myself willingly
Instead, I watch it come and I wait – in fear, true
But I wait to receive it
And I steady myself.

I have claws and I feel them
And I will meet it face to face
I have terrible potential too
I feel it now.

I'd love to hear what you have to say about the episode including thoughts on the poetry and the topics that were discussed. You can email me at poetdelayed@gmail.com.

My first book of poetry, My Mother Sleeps, is availabe for purchase at

The King's English Bookshop

and

Amazon.com

Song sung blue
Everybody knows one

Song sung blue
Every garden grows one.

Me and you are subject to
The blues now and then

"Song Sung Blue," Neil Diamond

And, while more often than not, most of us have been able to take Neil’s advice to “take the blues and make a song [and] sing them out again,” whether metaphorically or literally, some of us have suffered or are suffering through depression so deep and encompassing that song is unable to penetrate and the desire to even sing a song is, at best, like a drop of water on a hot skillet, and, at worst, a stomach turning, repulsive thought, and that is a scary and dangerous place to be. In those times, it’s especially vital that we are able to notice the signs in ourselves and others and then reach out for help or reach out to help, respectively. Because, in those times, we can lose the ability to lift ourselves up. We lose the ability to put a smile on our face. We lose the ability to have an attitude of gratitude. And so, we need to be lifted up, and we need to lift up. In the words of Townes Van Zandt:

If I needed you
Would you come to me?
Would you come to me?
And ease my pain?

If you needed me
I would come to you
I would swim the seas
For to ease you pain

If I Needed You, Townes Van Zandt

In this episode, Jackie Pack and I discuss depression, situational and clinical (major depressive disorder) including what differentiates them. We discuss ways that we can help ourselves and each other as we pass through those days, weeks, months or years when we feel hopelessness covering us.

"He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother" by Neil Diamond

"If I Needed You" by Townes Van Zandt

Dark Canopy

Hopelessness covers me:
Like a forest canopy
On a moonless night
It covers me.
I see no way or path
To deliver myself.
And the darkness:
It fills my eyes.
And they are unable to see
The torchlight
Of rescuers who may approach.
All is black and dead.
Every gleam is only a phantom.
And the only variations in light
Are darker shadows
Waiting to finish me off
For good.

I'd love to hear what you have to say about the episode including thoughts on the poetry and the topics that were discussed. You can email me at poetdelayed@gmail.com.

My first book of poetry, My Mother Sleeps, is availabe for purchase at

The King's English Bookshop

and

Amazon.com

Special Guest: Jackie Pack, LCSW, CSAT-S, CMAT.