I see it now
For years I only sensed it
Or saw the dissipating dust tails of its approach
But it filled me with terror
And there was no cover or protection
So I ran
As fast as my child stride could take me
Not even knowing what it was –
Only that it was coming
But that made the fear so much more
In my little mind
So I ran harder
Until I forgot why I was running –
Only knowing that I couldn’t stop

But I see it now
Its shape is fluid and undefined
And its terrible potential fills my mind
I want to keep running – retreating
But it won’t stop and
It’s closing the gap and
It’s more terrible than I ever thought
But its real – I see it now
And I know
There’s no escape, there never was.
But I want to keep running anyway
Until it overtakes me
I won’t see it coming; it will just happen and be done
But my insufficient legs refuse to carry me anymore
So I prostrate myself as an offering

I know you’re coming, I whisper,
And I offer myself willingly

This is not defeat, I reassure myself
Then lower my eyes
And brace for its fury

But my mind keeps moving – defiantly
It knows truths that my body forgot
And reminds me:

You were born with claws
And they’re with you still –

And I remember and feel them
They are deep, but I feel them and they are there
So, I raise my body from the dirt and
My eyes to the distance
It is closer now – the gap disappearing
But not my fear. My fear is growing
(broadcast loudly by my beating heart)
But I no longer want to run
Nor offer myself willingly
Instead, I watch it come and I wait – in fear, true
But I wait to receive it
And I steady myself.

I have claws and I feel them
And I will meet it face to face
I have terrible potential too
I feel it now.

I'd love to hear what you have to say about the episode including thoughts on the poetry and the topics that were discussed. You can email me at poetdelayed@gmail.com.

My first book of poetry, My Mother Sleeps, is availabe for purchase at

The King's English Bookshop

and

Amazon.com

They are out there.
You know them by their void,
Their masks of nothingness.
But they are something and voracious –
Consuming, in large amounts,
Everything
Completely
Their prey rage in vain
Then submit in silence;
No distress signals sent –
Even sound is consumed (and light)
In their dark bellies.
But they were beacons once
And they shined.

Addiction can be so consuming that it turns shining people into metaphorical black holes. It has the power, with drugs and alcohol, at least, to destroy people so completely that we eventually "know them by their void,/their masks of nothingness."

Thoreau wrote: “There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root.” This profound statement has its application in the struggle with addiction. In order to effectively take one’s life back, it is important to understand what addiction is and what it’s primary causes are so that we can strike at its root rather than just hacking at its branches.

Hungarian-Canadian physician, Gabor Maté defined addiction as follows:

"Any behavior that a person finds relief in and therefore craves in the short-term, but suffers negative consequences in the long-term and doesn't give up despite the negative consequences."

Importantly, Dr. Maté also explains that addiction is not a moral failure or an indication of weakness. “Addiction is not the primary problem. It’s an attempt to solve a problem.”

In this episode of The Poet (delayed), I'm joined by Las Vegas based therapist, Brad Singletary as we read my poem, "They Were Beacons Once," and have a discussion about addiction, its cause and recovery.

I'd love to hear what you have to say about the episode including thoughts on the poetry and the topics that were discussed. You can email me at poetdelayed@gmail.com.

My first book of poetry, My Mother Sleeps, is availabe for purchase at

The King's English Bookshop

and

Amazon.com

Special Guest: Brad Singletary, LCSW.

Links:

• Everything You Think You Know About Addiction is Wrong by Johann Hari — The opposite of addiction isn't sobriety. The opposite of addiction is connection.
• How Childhood Trauma Leads to Addiction by Gabor Mate — Addiction: Any behavior that a person finds relief and therefore craves in the short-term, but suffers negative consequences in the long-term and doesn't give up despite the negative consequences.
• Gabor Mate Discusses Addiction, including the cause and approaches to recovery — "Addiction is not a choice that anybody makes; it's not a moral failure; it's not an ethical lapse; it's not a weakness of character; it's not a failure of will, which is how our society depicts addiction nor is it an inherited brain disease, which is how the medical tendency is to see it but what it actually is is it's a response to human suffering."
• The Alpha Quorum — Brad Singletary and I discussed this men's group he started during this episode of The Poet (delayed)
• Faces of Addiction

The Poet's Call

Write hard words
To break your soul against
Redemptive words too
To bind it up again.

_Also, I referenced a poem by E. E. Cummings _

may I be I is the only prayer--not may I be great or good or beautiful or wise or strong. - Cummings

and one by Rainer Maria Rilke.

God speaks to each of us as he makes us,
then walks with us silently out of the night.

These are the words we dimly hear:

You, sent out beyond your recall,
go to the limits of your longing.
Embody me.

Flare up like a flame
and make big shadows I can move in.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.
Just keep going. No feeling is final.
Don’t let yourself lose me.

Nearby is the country they call life.
You will know it by its seriousness.

Give me your hand.

Book of Hours, I 59